Monday, July 25, 2011

first peak of estrogen today

After a nice weekend doing my best to not think baby... my monitor says I am at high fertility (not peak) .  So I put in the order for sperm pick up tomorrow.  I feel much calmer this time and I am still not sure why.  Maybe I have resigned to doing my best and what happens will happen, or I am just saving up my crazy for after the insemination.

I guess what's on my mind today is more after baby things like the things I still want to do around the house.  Paint nursery, fix the yard, install cabinets in dog room/pantry. Seriously we have only had the house 2 years and have already done so much, I should be realistic but I want things NOW.  Wow I'm a pest :)  Mind you, I don't particularly want to do the work now...I want someone else to.  Reality check!  We will get it done little by little.

We have decided almost 100% on a name for a boy (Michael Sherwood Cavanagh) we even have more than one, we like Tobias and Henry.  We like old names.  We will not actually give a name until we see our baby.  Brooke is firmly against calling my belly a name :) we also don't plan to know the sex in advance so that makes it more interesting!  But for some reason we cannot find a girls name.  We are planning to use family names from Brooke's side for a boy.  I was playing with family names from my side for a girl and I kinda like it but Brooke seems on the fence and I am not 100% myself.  I also have no idea how my family members will feel about it.  So I will throw it out here and see if anyone says anything.  Eva Louise Cavanagh????  We could call her EL (L).  I kinda like it.  Suggestions are welcome but I make no promises about actual consideration!

Well I will give an update when I have one.  Keep your fingers crossed :)

Friday, July 22, 2011

happy today

Well I can't say exactly why but I feel kinda good today.  It could be a few things.  Brooke just started a new job last night.  I could see how she lit up when she told me she got the job.  I am just so happy it will make her feel good to be out and about more.  I am on CD10 (cycle day) and getting ready to try again.  I feel more positive this go round I think because this time we are on our own and I am not going to go crazy about the sperm pick up.  I was so worried last time.  I just read B6 can be helpful and I think I will pick some up today, why not.  I am taking a prenatal but I don't think they are the best and I am going to look into better ones, gives me something to do.  It's also Friday and you can't beat that.

Someone recommended actually using a speculum and checking my cervix daily.  May seem like a lot but I want to do it.  It is free and we have a speculum for the insemination.  It will also make the actual time less stressful for both of us if this practice makes us more comfortable with the whole process.  I know TMI but it actually makes me feel more relaxed just knowing how easy it will be to see the changes instead of just wondering.

I was also thinking that if we were to get a BFP (Big Fat Positive) this time the baby might share or come really close to having the same birthday as Brooke.  That would make me happy.  It would give them another special connection.  Like I said I am a little happy today and that seems to bring out the sap.

I never like to admit to my softer side I am the tough one (so I think).  Well this baby stuff just makes me want to melt.  I want to have this little creature to call my own.  I never thought of myself this way until recently.  Sometimes I still wonder why do I want this?  How many people do I know that don't get along with their siblings or parents?  How will I be different?  Not sure that I will but I am sure I will do my best.  I look forward to the future when my child goes through all the good stages (lets not think about the bad ones for now) and one day all grown up and they realize they do actually like me :)  I know Brooke and I have come to realize how much we need our moms.  When I least expect it something happens that makes me smile.  Right now it is my Mom actually rooting me on in this journey to be a mom.  I don't quite know what I expected her reaction to be, she can be kinda tough sometimes, but all she is sending me right now is love and it means the world to me.  So take a min and forget any bad crap and be happy for the good stuff you have.  That's what I keep telling myself.  I know I am a lucky girl!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Just another day

I visit this great site baby center all the time.  It has been awesome to find people going through the same things I am.  I asked the question about doing one or two IUI vials in a cycle and feel good about the answers I got.  I have done a ton of research and know its all about timing (and that's not easy) but sometimes when you want something so bad you go crazy.  I am relieved to see they recommend only one.  Considering they are not cheep it make me crazy to think of doing two in one cycle. 

I do feel like I am in a lull before the storm.  I remember all to well what my last TWW (two week wait) was like!  To give you a little insight to my personal madness... 

I check the donor sight daily to check a couple of things.  One is he still sold out?  Two has anyone gotten pregnant?  Less than a week after we made our decision and purchase I checked back and "Not Available" popped up.  I knew this would happen but so fast? As for the pregnancy, Yes they have a box for this. 
After seeing no in both spots my mind scrambles.  What if it takes me more than 5 tries?  What about baby # 2?  What if Brooke needs more?  Why hasn't anyone gotten pregnant?  Is his stuff bad?   Mind you this happens all in about the first 15 min that I sign into my computer.

If that is not bad enough...  I started my period sort of on time but my last cycle was all out of whack.  Well it wasn't quite the same as usual.  It never got heavy like it usually does and it lasted longer than my usual 3 days.  So now I think well what if I'm one of those people who still has a period while pregnant?  Mind you I POAS (Peed on a stick) the day my period started and got a BFN (Big Fat Negative) so what are the chances?  Zilch  I think of myself as a logical sane person most of the time, but clearly this is not one of the times. I HAVE NOT POAS SINCE MY PERIOD.  I think more to prove to myself that I am not crazy than to prove myself right (not pregnant).  How crazy am I? (OK don't answer please)

Well enough of my crazy thoughts for now.  I AM going to try very hard to be calm and normal from now on.  If I keep saying it do you think it could happen?  Ha

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Creeping up on second try

This is the first time blogging for me but after finding wiegandwrites blog I feel inspired or compelled. 



My wife and I just recently started our new adventure of baby makin.  It took a lot of time for us to come to this TTC (Trying to conceive) agreement.  We are complete opposites.  My wife Brooke is a fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl.  Always wants to make people happy and very sweet.  I on the other hand am a total control freak.  We have been together for about 8 years now and married since 9-22-07.  We have a house and are feeling like this is it...I also hear my biological clock gonging... I am 34 and she is 31. 



Well we decided to seriously consider growing a family and just needed to work out the logistics.  She wanted to ask one of our friends and I was firmly against!  I can't have someone else feeling they have ANY say in our babies life.  After going through our feelings and doing some research we also decided to go with a open donor much like Jen & Megan of wiegandwrites from the blog that started me on this blogging thing



I feel like I am reading our story when I look at the wiegandwrites blog.  We did our first IUI at home on June 30, 2011.  We were so lucky to find a midwife who was able to teach my wife how to do the insemination in our home.  It feels more intimate and much more relaxed at home.  I feel so lucky to be able to do this. 


So we did it and we waited..and waited..and waited.  It did feel like forever!  Every little thing I felt I wondered about but I didn't want to tell Brooke.  She would be the first to look it up and analyze.  I didn't want to get her hopes up or mine.  But I was so hopeful.  I really thought it was going to happen.  But it didn't.  Started my period July 13th.


Now we are planning try number 2.  Scheduling the pickup for next Monday and hope to O (ovulate) maybe Wednesday.  Now our next big question is do we get more than one vial??  I have read about people doing one then 16 or so hour later doing another.  I really hate uncertainties.  Still haven't settled on that one yet.  Guess I'll let you know when I know
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