TWINS!

Well I was so worried about this scan for fear of the worst...  I went in today for my second scan and much to my surprise we are having twins! 

We are now past when I had a loss last year and with the news of twins I am determined to be happy.  This is just what we wished for now we have to prepare:)

I think I am in a much better place now and I hope to have fun things to share allong the way.
What a crazy ride life can be!

so nervous

I go for may second ultrasound on Monday and I am so nervous.  The first scan was perfect and we had never gotten to that point last time.  Also last time my back was so sore that I have convinced myself that was when I was losing the pregnancy.  I haven't had back pain like that at all and no spotting at all but I am still terrified.  My symptoms keep changing and I can't figure them out.  I haven't talked about it because it just makes me want to cry.  I know nothing can be done no matter what so I am trying to let it go but today it isn't working.  I really just want to go back to bed until I get to the second trimester.  I am sorry to be so down but I am.  My logical mind says I will have good news on Monday but by heart hurts about what could be. 
I found a new group on baby center of ladies over 35 and pregnant due around the same time.  I was so happy to find them because they seem so supportive compared to the big birth boards that have way too much drama for me.  I logged in this morning to find 2 more posts of ladies who went for scans and found the pregnancy wasn't viable.  It just set me off and I guess triggered me to write this.  It is all so scary to me right now and I hate it.

I think I have said enough.  I appreciate having a safe place to let my thoughts out.  I hope to be in better spirits soon and I promise to let you all know how the scan goes on Monday goes.

TTFN
P

a little heart beat!

I know it has been a bit but I was just so nervous I couldn't write.  We had our first BETA on June 23rd and it came back at 203.6 then another on the 26th came back at 786.  So I was happy but still freaking out.  We went this morning for our first scan and honestly I wanted to run away the whole time expecting to see nothing.  Thank goodness it was all in my head.  We have one little blob measuring perfectly and a little heartbeat!  I am still in a fog and not sure when it will hit me it is real, other than the RE telling us we have to find an OB in the next 2 weeks.

I have not felt much this time.  A little yucky stomach but I haven't felt like it is morning sickness yet but I might be delusional because I did puke last night (not nice).

Other than that I don't have much to say.  I hope this is it!

Thanks for looking in and I will update when I have any good news to share.

TTFN

So we did it again

Well I have been so grumpy with all this fertility crap I just said "F" it!  I started another cycle at the end of May and now I am 10 days past a 3 day transfer of 3 embryos.  All three looked good but all three also had a bit of fragmentation but still a high grade.  I am scheduled for my BETA test on Sunday.

I can't even begin to start with all the crap that goes on with this process.  They were sending my meds out every other day because my insurance has some no waste policy and the pharmacy can't seem to make up its mind on what exactly this means.  One cycle they send all the meds the next part then another part.  Well this time I was on such a high dose it was ridiculous, right when I received delivery I would call in another order...annoying!

We made it through that mess went in for retrieval and they only got 7!  I was on so much meds and only 7 WTF!  Then after getting home we had 3 messages that they needed to do ICSI (inject one sperm into each egg) because our swimmers didn't meet the standard.  This is an additional $2500 if insurance doesn't approve.  We couldn't wait or we could lose them all so we said "do it" praying the insurance would cover and it seems it did thank goodness.  That crisis averted we waited to find only 5 fertilized.  So we were scheduled for a 3 day transfer and I was so bummed.  The whole cycle feels like a cluster Fu@%.

I told Brooke I was done.  If this cycle doesn't work it is her eggs next!  I have not been doing anything more than taking the meds.  I usually try to eat better or read a bunch on fertility boards.  I had no interest until about  Monday when I just peaked in on the boards to see what was up with the ladies.  I started to feel more into it but still didn't get invested.  Yesterday I just felt odd.  I told my co worker if I wasn't pregnant I would be pissed with how I feel but what are the odds for me, the meds make all these things happen after all.  I know I have done it enough times.  I was also running to pee so much yesterday.

Sooo  very long story short.  I POAS this morning and we have 2 lines!  If you made it this far in my rant the good news is we are pregnant again!  It is really really early and I am trying to be cautious but it is getting harder by the min.  It was a year ago I was pregnant for the first time.  Brooke says maybe I can only get pregnant in June :)

Now I am going to try to get my mind and body into it and be good.  Eat better and take care of myself better.  I cannot help but be excited.  If something goes wrong I will have to deal then, but for now I am so happy to say I am pregnant!  It was also the best thing to wake Brooke up to today, She didn't know I was going to POAS this morning.  Honestly I didn't know until I just did it.

BFN

Well I am still not pregnant.  This is beginning to feel like a bad joke.  I am going to set up a meeting with the Dr. but I plan to take May off so really won't be doing anything until July.  I really need a break and I also need to get my mind and body back for a little while.

I hope everyone is doing well, stay tuned to see what happens next.........in a month or two

HAPPY SPRING

PUPO again

We had our transfer yesterday. Two hatching embies that I hope are digging in for the long haul. We go for beta on the 25th. Happens to be Brooke's birthday so I hope she gets a great gift.

I'll keep you posted :)

We have a plan

After so many days of feeling like poop either from meds or emotions, I actually feel human today!  I called the Dr. yesterday and now I know I go in on the 11th for blood work and an ultrasound.  If everything looks good we will do the FET on the 16th.  We will put back both embryos and hope for the best.  Good or bad I don't know but the doctors at my clinic decided that the use of antibiotics and steroids are not necessary/beneficial for frozen cycles, so none of those this time.  Last time one of them made me puke, but if it was supposed to make things work I was all for it.  Well it didn't so I am trying to say maybe they are right!

I am so happy to see a clear blue sky and SUN!  I have nothing else interesting to report.  I hope you are all getting good weather too and get out and enjoy it a little.  Happy Friday!

TTFN