happy today

Well I can't say exactly why but I feel kinda good today.  It could be a few things.  Brooke just started a new job last night.  I could see how she lit up when she told me she got the job.  I am just so happy it will make her feel good to be out and about more.  I am on CD10 (cycle day) and getting ready to try again.  I feel more positive this go round I think because this time we are on our own and I am not going to go crazy about the sperm pick up.  I was so worried last time.  I just read B6 can be helpful and I think I will pick some up today, why not.  I am taking a prenatal but I don't think they are the best and I am going to look into better ones, gives me something to do.  It's also Friday and you can't beat that.

Someone recommended actually using a speculum and checking my cervix daily.  May seem like a lot but I want to do it.  It is free and we have a speculum for the insemination.  It will also make the actual time less stressful for both of us if this practice makes us more comfortable with the whole process.  I know TMI but it actually makes me feel more relaxed just knowing how easy it will be to see the changes instead of just wondering.

I was also thinking that if we were to get a BFP (Big Fat Positive) this time the baby might share or come really close to having the same birthday as Brooke.  That would make me happy.  It would give them another special connection.  Like I said I am a little happy today and that seems to bring out the sap.

I never like to admit to my softer side I am the tough one (so I think).  Well this baby stuff just makes me want to melt.  I want to have this little creature to call my own.  I never thought of myself this way until recently.  Sometimes I still wonder why do I want this?  How many people do I know that don't get along with their siblings or parents?  How will I be different?  Not sure that I will but I am sure I will do my best.  I look forward to the future when my child goes through all the good stages (lets not think about the bad ones for now) and one day all grown up and they realize they do actually like me :)  I know Brooke and I have come to realize how much we need our moms.  When I least expect it something happens that makes me smile.  Right now it is my Mom actually rooting me on in this journey to be a mom.  I don't quite know what I expected her reaction to be, she can be kinda tough sometimes, but all she is sending me right now is love and it means the world to me.  So take a min and forget any bad crap and be happy for the good stuff you have.  That's what I keep telling myself.  I know I am a lucky girl!