No good news...

This is not what I wanted to be writing today but I have put it off long enough.  Monday morning about 2 AM I had a miscarriage.  Woke up with cramps and blood went to ER and soon after it was over.  It was not physically painful.  It was very emotional.  Looks like it stopped around 5 weeks.  No one knows why.

We are doing well.  Spent the day together and it was really nice to have that time alone.  It was just us and our feelings.  Now we are back to reality and it can be hard.  I take things in a very realistic way.  I know we are moving on to try again.  Brooke is more emotional and I feel for her.  It is a confusing time.  She wants to be strong for me but I know she is sad.  I also know I am sad but not sure if I will ever be able to allow myself that sadness.  I defiantly aloud myself the night but that time has now passed for me.

Strange, now I find myself trying to make others feel better about it.  I am honestly OK.  I am not great but I am not in pain.  I know we will get pregnant again.  When someone asks about things I have no choice but to tell them.  I had been saying all along this could happen and I feel like it shouldn't be a secret.  I must say I didn't really want to be the one to make people more aware.

Looking forward...  We are waiting for my period to start again.  Not sure how long that will take it could be quick like 2 weeks or could be up to 8 weeks or so, it is not up to me.  Then we start over.  Taking birth control pills for about a month then back to injections.  The Dr. is increasing the dose in hopes of more eggs. I am glad for that.  I just want to think positive.  I want to be the same.  I don't want to be treated differently at all.  This is the hard part, waiting again.

I will have good news again soon so don't give up on us.