Up and Down Yes then No

I wish I could explain what I am feeling.  I feel hopeful but a second later I tell myself to wake up and face reality.  If you could only imagine every time you go to the bathroom, you find yourself begging to (god, the world, fate, whoever) not see blood!  I actually close my eyes and say the words please.  I am glad I always make sure I am alone. I'm a little pee shy but imagine if someone else heard me?  They would think I am nuts.  They would probably be right!

I did POAS this morning and got BFN.  I know it is early but I swear I keep feeling things.  A couple days ago I felt cramping for an hour or so.  I took this as a good sign something was happening and it was way to early for AF.  I have had a tinge now and then since but now I worry it is AF.  The same feeling different day and I freak.  Meanwhile if I wasn't TTC I don't think I would even notice any of this.

Till tomorrow....... Thanks so much for the kind words and for keeping us in your thoughts.  It means the world.

Oh! On another note.  Brooke sent me a text today that made me laugh so I wanted to share.  I know she won't mind.

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is my wife and I to be happy and healthy with a healthy bun in the oven. I would like to awake on the 25th and see tears of joy and 

the biggest smile on my Wife's face holding a big fat positive on a pee stick. And in 9 months on our 5th anniversary I want to be holding our newest addition to our family. 

I know 5 years is suppose to be the gift of wood but donor 12XXX used "wood" trying to create our bundle of joy.

Thanks Santa,

Love Brooke