I was shocked to see how long ago it was that I last posted. I have been so up and down emotionally and so much has happened since my last post but the long and short of it all is I am still not pregnant.
I did go to a new Dr. and he is wonderful, but honestly I think I am totally jaded and I just don't like people. His staff really made me mad. He gave us nothing but high hopes and happy thoughts about moving forward. Well I should say, he found my numbers to be low indicating my egg reserve is low. With that said he changed the protocol completely. We left his office hopeful that this new method could do the trick. Now comes the staff part... The Dr. said lets jump right in and sent us to the insurance person and then nurse. Well each of them wanted me to be sure to know this isn't how we usually do things! They had to expedite my claim but she didn't really want to because other people were a head of me yada yada yada. I tolerated this and kept going.
So now we did IVF #2 they got 11 eggs. I was so Happy! 8 fertilized and on Day 5 they put two beautiful blasts in and were able to freeze one. I was sad that only one made it to freeze but I was hopeful The pregnancy would take. It didn't.
I went in for the next consult and again the Dr. made me feel better but reaffirmed my egg quality is not that great. We then decided to do the FET (frozen egg transfer). I went in thinking un-medicated but he pushed for full meds and I listened, he knows better than me, and he said no reason to wait so lets do it! I had hopes that since my body would have less going on the egg might have a better chance. Well after going through the same nonsense with the insurance person and nurse, "wow this is fast...I expedited it last time sooo" Man I was furious! I bit my lip and kept going. This was just around Christmas. All my pee tests said no so I had settled on it not working again. But my period was late so I let myself think maybe. Another day passed and we decided to POAS (pee on a stick) one more time. Oh man I wish I hadn't. Negative again. It was such a blow for me. Days earlier I was resigned it didn't work but I let myself think MAYBE. Blood test confirmed not pregnant.
That brings us almost up to date. I went in last week for another follow up. I had had plenty of time to rehash all this so many times in my head I kinda feel bad for my Dr. He said all the things I expected. My eggs low quality and he actually recommends I implant 3 next time, but more on that comes later. I listened but honestly my hopes/excitement are quite a bit lower these days. He said we should press on because time is not my friend right now. I agreed but then had to stop it all and let him know how I feel.
I started off nice. I said he makes me feel hopeful when I am in his office but the moment I step out it is all over. I told him two comments his staff made like "pushing me up in the line of people who have been waiting" and "we don't usually do it this way but if that is what the Dr. said". So I told him I never want to relay a message to his staff. They made me feel like I was trying to pull some trick or something and I never want to hear how I am jumping the line. Like I may cause someone else to not get coverage. I told him I really don't give a shit (and yes I did say that). I said we all have jobs and parts of them we don't like and who isn't busy? I'm paying for this they are not doing me any favors.
His reaction was funny. He said he agreed they should not have said those things and then he said he liked how I didn't sugarcoat things. I was a little embarrassed but I knew if I didn't say something I was likely to either go off on someone or just hang up and I don't like to be rude.
So here I am waiting for aunt flow to show so I can start the count down again. Once my next cycle starts 3 weeks in I start meds them about three weeks of that and egg retrieval then transfer then another two week wait. So by April I should know if IVF # 3 worked.
As for how many we will put in this time..... It all depends on how many we get and how good they look. I do have to say I am on the fence. I like to watch bad TV and over the weekend I watched all kinds of pregnancy, labor, baby TV. One show had a woman who had 3 failed IVF attempts (one previous miscarriage from natural pregnancy) who was advised on IVF #4 to put in 3 eggs. My Dr. said with my history even twins isn't very likely so he isn't really concerned with 3. This is also what the woman was told on TV and she now has triplets! I am still on the fence but maybe you folks (if you are still out there) have a thought I would love to hear it.
I do hope I can start this up again and do better but we will see. TTFN
