It has been a while.

I have been at a loss for things to say.  I am so excited to try again.  We met with the new Dr. and I really like him.  I learned more about my constantly changing situation.  The new doc thinks a total change in protocol might do the trick and I am totally happy about that.  I went in today for a saline sonogram and got results from all the blood work they did on Tuesday.  Well every thing looks great!  The crazy part is when we went to the new doc he looked at my old records and said the numbers indicate a diminished ovarian reserve (not as may eggs) for my age.  That explained my only having 4 eggs retrieved my last IVF and hence the new protocol.  Well the results he gave me today do not give the same conclusion, good right! BUT WHY?  He still wants to go the same route based on the results of the last IVF but even he couldn't say why the numbers were so different.

I am on the fast track now for my next IVF and I am excited but I am also unsure of my body.  I am so disappointed with myself. Hard to explain but I have let myself down.  I try so hard to be ready for the next cycle but it has been so long since we started all this, I am slacking.  I would rather sit on my couch and eat than get excited about a potential baby.

Well I have plans for this month to make things move smoother for me.  This weekend we are going to my sisters to celebrate my great nephews first birthday.  I am going to do my best to stay happy and honestly once I see the little man I will be happy so it should be fun.  Next weekend I am driving up to Maine to visit my mom for the weekend.  ( I have to leave Brooke at home because my family can't play nice and it sucks, but I will be happy to see my mom) I haven't seen her all summer and she will be headed back to FL soon.  Lastly the weekend following that we will go to CT to visit my mother in law.  It will be our 5th anniversary and we did get married in CT so it feels right to me.  It will be relaxing and a change from our everyday so I am excited.  We haven't been in a long time and that is strange for us and Brooke especially.  I think this may have been the longest we have gone without visiting ever.  We have been overwhelmed with Dr. appts and shots...  Well I don't have to do another thing until the day after our anniversary and that will only be taking a pill!

I really appreciate you guys who read this.  I really means something when you get a note from someone who doesn't even know you saying they are thinking about you and praying for you.  Words can't say!  It made me remember why I started this blog and what the end game is, so thank you!

I will give updates on all the upcoming events and I wish you all the best!  September is my favorite month so take a min and enjoy it with me!

Lots of love <3

Settling in.

Well I went for another blood draw last Tuesday and it came back at 21.  I was not surprised, in a way I was happy.  I also decided that day to change doctors.  I have been unhappy with this Dr. from the get go but stayed because he had high ratings.  I in no way blame him or anyone else for my miscarriage but honestly this guy is a douche.  When we went in for the follow up appointment and blood draw the Dr. came in and said "I just herd you were in the ER".  Brooke called them the day before and let them know.  Then once we went to his office to talk he still wan't convinced we called so he was looking on the computer and said "oh here is the note that you called about the miscarriage, yup it's in here" really this guy is always behind the 8 ball.  So after that and reading on baby center about another local woman changing to Boston IVF I just made the call.  I did ask the woman on line if she had the same Dr. I had and she didn't but it would not have surprised me.

So we have an appointment for another blood draw with the old Dr., well the 3rd party blood draw people on the 21st.  This will be our last appointment.  Then an appointment with the new Dr. on the 24th.  I hope my period holds out till after the new Dr.sees me.  If all goes well we could start right up.  If AF shows up earlier we may be held back another month but that will be OK too.

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the summer.  It does seem to be going fast this year.  We haven't done any of the stuff we thought we would, oh well. NEXT YEAR!
TTFN

No good news...

This is not what I wanted to be writing today but I have put it off long enough.  Monday morning about 2 AM I had a miscarriage.  Woke up with cramps and blood went to ER and soon after it was over.  It was not physically painful.  It was very emotional.  Looks like it stopped around 5 weeks.  No one knows why.

We are doing well.  Spent the day together and it was really nice to have that time alone.  It was just us and our feelings.  Now we are back to reality and it can be hard.  I take things in a very realistic way.  I know we are moving on to try again.  Brooke is more emotional and I feel for her.  It is a confusing time.  She wants to be strong for me but I know she is sad.  I also know I am sad but not sure if I will ever be able to allow myself that sadness.  I defiantly aloud myself the night but that time has now passed for me.

Strange, now I find myself trying to make others feel better about it.  I am honestly OK.  I am not great but I am not in pain.  I know we will get pregnant again.  When someone asks about things I have no choice but to tell them.  I had been saying all along this could happen and I feel like it shouldn't be a secret.  I must say I didn't really want to be the one to make people more aware.

Looking forward...  We are waiting for my period to start again.  Not sure how long that will take it could be quick like 2 weeks or could be up to 8 weeks or so, it is not up to me.  Then we start over.  Taking birth control pills for about a month then back to injections.  The Dr. is increasing the dose in hopes of more eggs. I am glad for that.  I just want to think positive.  I want to be the same.  I don't want to be treated differently at all.  This is the hard part, waiting again.

I will have good news again soon so don't give up on us.

Things seem to be on track.

I went for my 3rd BETA on wed and it came back at 1650.  The nurse called and said it was good :).  Prior to her call I had a little panic attack.  I went in to the potty around 11 and had blood, it was brown which means old blood, I know this is normal as I have read many times but I freaked.  I called the nurse and the numbers were not in yet but she said they don't worry about brown blood.  Easy for them.  Well by end of day no more blood and still none so I do feel better.  My back is much better but by the end of the day it aches.  I think it will be better in the next week.  I ordered yoga videos and I think the stretching will make all the difference.

We go for our first ultrasound on the 31st at 9am.  It can't get here soon enough.  We should see the heart beat then.  I am really hoping for great news.  I was feeling so good before the spotting (well good about being pregnant! my back still hurt) I hope seeing something or someone in my belly :) will put me back in a place of ease.

Now that we have gotten this far I am ready to try to really enjoy my summer.  Going to start planning family visits to CT and maybe a few shindigs at our place.  I am getting excited!

TTFN

BETA #2 results 157

I guess I could have explained a little better what a BETA is for those not on this TTC roller coaster ride.  The Dr can do a blood test to confirm pregnancy but they can also do a test that generates a number in relation to how much of the pregnancy hormone you have in your blood at that time.  The idea is to have that number double within a certain span of time.  My first number was 77 and my second number is 157.  That is a doubling time of 46.7 hours.  I am happy with this number and the Dr. office said it was good.  I go back for a third test next Wed. but I am so happy right now.

It feels like this really is it!  I will keep you posted and thanks so much for sticking around.  Your support is making this roller coaster a much better ride.

<3

BETA 77 at 15dpo

So it is confirmed we ARE pregnant, but we kinda guessed that.  The number came back at 77.  I really thought it would be higher but what do I know.  I go back on Wed for BETA #2.

Crazy thing is every time I feel anything I go into a panic.  I went to McDonalds for lunch (I know it is bad) I took two bites and my stomach tightened.  Then I started thinking, is this my period.  I am only saying this because it keeps going through my head at least once an hour.  I don't want to freak out but I can't stop.  I really hope the second BETA eases my nerves. 

I was reading on baby center March 2013 and a small group formed for the third week of the month.  They had introductions and I was SHOCKED at how many of this group had had miscarriages.  This is a group of maybe 20 women so far, most straight and young and I would bet 1/3 of them had had a miscarriage.  It was crazy to read and only made me more nervous.  The only thing that eased my mind is most seemed to be after having a healthy first child, but still :(

I AM HAPPY, but this blog is supposed to also let people know whats going on in my head sometimes and well as much as I am excited I am also terrified.

Till Wed.........time to double those numbers

We have 2 lines!

In case you don't know what that means WE ARE PREGNANT!  I do have to say it is a very faint line but a line is a line in this business.  This is the first time in over a year of trying to see two lines.  I am only 11 days past ovulation 8 days past transfer.  I do need to be cautious it is very early but so many of you have been reading all my ups and down I can't stand not telling you!  So for this moment and I pry the next 9 months my wife and I are pregnant.

I really can't say anything to top that.  I will be going in for my BETA (blood pregnancy test) on Monday and will report back as soon as I know the numbers!

I hope you all had a happy 4th.  <3

4 follicles, 2 fertilized 3 day transfer

Well I have had a week from hell.  To start I told you about Shamus.  Well he is home again and doing well now.  When we picked him up on Friday he was urinating blood.  We realized this in the parking lot at the vet.  We brought him back in and they said to keep an eye on it.  Long story short we brought him back first thing in the morning and they gave him antibiotics thinking it may be a UTI..  After a dose or two no more blood and we should get test results today.  He does seem to be himself and we are very happy to have him home.
I went in for BW and US on both Thursday and Friday and was told to trigger Friday night.  This would be our first inter muscular shot and it went better than I thought.  We iced my butt and I barely felt it.  I had to go in on Sunday morning for the egg retrieval and no surprise it wasn't my Dr.  I am not sure he really works at all!  It was a little painful but with Brooke taking care of me I am doing well.  They only got 4 mature eggs and want to do a 3 day transfer.  When they told me this I started to cry.  I really wanted more and I thought I would have had more.  This office doesn't give much info so I shouldn't be to surprised.  They sent us home and I got the call this morning that only 2 fertilized.  Again I know I should be happy but I am really kinda sad.  I KNOW IT ONLY TAKES ONE!  It is just hard when you start to think one thing and another thing entirly happens.
Brooke and I didn't make it to the wedding.  I knew after Shay's surgery I wasn't going to go.  It would be to much to ask for someone to look after him and honestly I couldn't stand the thought of not being with him myself.  We actually cuddled in my bed most of the day Sunday and Brooke babied us both. She is a good mom and wife.  I was sad Brooke didn't go but relieved as well.  With my luck she would have gotten stranded in VT and I would have had to take a taxi for the egg retrieval :)
All in all I am trying hard to think positive.  I am having a hard time knowing we only have 2 and that it will be a 3 day transfer.  It makes me feel that they are not strong enough.  It also makes me wonder why?  I never imagined I would be going through this.  I know no one does.  God willing both little beans catch and we have a healthy pregnancy and get to hold our babies real soon.
I really appreciate being able to get this out of my head.  It makes it less scary some how.  I posted on the message board this morning about the fertility stuff and everyone keeps saying positive things.  I know it can happen.  It is just a little easier to look at both sides so I don't get crushed if it doesn't.
Thanks again for all your support and I hope others know they are not alone.  This trying to get knocked up thing can be really hard especially if you feel like your the only one. <3

update

Well the nurse just called and I am instructed to do the same meds tonight (the delivery just showed up so I should be all set) but I have to go in for BW and US again tomorrow.  I am not sure what that means.  I didn't think the follicles were big enough yet at least not many of them.  Now I don't even know about Brooke leaving for the weekend. 

I need to think positive thoughts and let the rest go.  I am way to much of a control freak!

7 follicles so far

So I went in for BW and US today.  I still haven't heard from the RE office but I know they found 2 follicles on my right side and 5 on my left.  They are still small but it is a start.  Actually I keep getting tinges of pain in my lower back this morning.  I keep telling myself it is nothing but honestly it kinda hurts!  Not to mention I STILL HATE ME RE OFFICE.  I know old news... 

They called in my scripts at the start and then, as we go, they tell me what to use and how much.  Then I look at what I have and it doesn't add up.  Right from the start I didn't have enough of one med so I called and the nurse said "I should have ordered two pens not one, just call in the refill" this one pen cost $800 without insurance and $25 with.  So when I had to pay another $25 I felt relieved except for the fact that it would have been one copay not two if she sent it in correctly.  Fast forward 3 days to my second BW when they added another shot.  I go home and look and I don't have enough if they tell me to continue more than 3 days as I think they will.  So I call again.  She says the same thing she should have ordered 14 not 7 since I have to use 2 a day.  Another $25 co pay.  I am just tired of double checking my RE and worse finding mistakes.

Add to that my poor Shamus had an emergency operation yesterday.  Shamus is our 7 year old Dane Colly mix.  It was a hard day.  He had an intestinal blockage that without surgery he wouldn't make it.  The surgery started at $2500.  We still don't know the total since he has to stay at the vet a few more days.  He is a healthy boy otherwise so I couldn't say no.  He is family no matter how tight money gets.

Brooke and I were supposed to go to a wedding this weekend in VT and I actually thought I would make it, but not now.  I can't have someone watch our dogs after this surgery.  I will stay home.  I am not sad to stay with Shay but I am disappointed the wedding didn't work out.  I was hoping for a mini vacation with my wife.  Such is life right!

I am sorry this is a blah post but that is how I feel today.  I should add that Shamus came through the surgery and he is looking good so far.

the ball is rolling now

I started spotting last night and have AF today.  It was a bit of a shock, mostly because I have been waiting for it, because this triggers all the stim meds to start.  My calendar said I would start the 16th and the Dr. estimated by the 18th but this is not out of the ordinary looking back at my charts and considering the meds I have already taken.  I called into the doc. and now I am scheduled for ultrasound and blood work tomorrow morning.  Then they tell me what new meds to start.

The estimated egg retrieval will be around the 25th.  We were supposed to go to a wedding in VT on the 23 but I think I will have to miss it.  Stress is a big thing during IVF I hear and as much as I wanted this get away, with all the monitoring I am already stressing.  I told Brooke to bring her BF and have fun.  It is for the best.  NOW I need to figure out what I will do for my shots while she is gone!  I will figure it out or possibly do it myself.  I'm such a baby :)

I am doing my best to turn my fear into excitement because I am excited when I forget about all the steps.

I hope everyone is doing well and I hope I have real good news to report soon.

If any interesting news comes up I'll let you know :)  Till then........

Here we go!

It seems like things are starting to fall into place finally.  After not getting approval for IVF and resubmitting 3 times we were approved but the insurance company gave dates that had passed and if I were to start IVF last cycle it would have been messed up........ So they revoked the approval until I started a new cycle and had a confirmed BFN then I would need to submit again.  Talk about hoops!  Well we did it and finally yesterday it did go through.  I got the birth control pill before approval because insurance covers that anyway so no delay on that.

I am now on cycle day 13.  I have to take the pill until Cd 21 (June 8).  On Cd 18 (June 5) we start Lupron injections.  THEN when I start my period or June 18 (whichever comes first) I go in for blood work and ultrasound.  I don't know what will come after that yet, well I know more shots and more blood work and ultrasounds until I have my multitudes of eggs ready to be retrieved.

Only after a movie and a relaxing night last night am I starting to feel a bit more relaxed.  I must say that birth control and I DO NOT get along.  I have been a mess.  I have a foul mood all the time and my stomach is not right but I keep reminding myself it will be worth it in the end..........right :)!

TTFN

CD 3

Yes this means that try # nine was also negative.  I have started birth control, the first step in IVF.  I am starting to do all my research now to see whats next.  I know 28 days of the pill and somewhere during that time I will, lets be honest, Brooke will be trained on all the shots.  I can't bring myself to do it on my own and luckily I don't have to.

I will give updates as they come but this looks more like a 2 month process from the start if not longer.

Wish me luck, maybe you should wish Brooke luck knowing what she will have to deal with :) ME

A little Off today

Well I am on cycle day 29 which for me usually means I should be having my period now.  But as you may recall from previous posts I had a D&C a couple months ago.  After that my cycle went long to 31 days, but that was correct considering when I ovulated.  Now to this cycle if my ovulation was correct I should start my period Friday, making this cycle 32 days.
I have had no symptoms.  I did POAS this morning and it was a BFN.  I am not surprised but a little disappointed.  I am also just surprised at how far off my cycle is this time.  Everything I feel now I just assume it's my period.  I am moody and I know it.  I wish I wasn't but don't try to tell me that or I'll bite your head off for sure :)
I guess only time will tell.  I am ready for IVF.  I am thankful I even have the option.  Happy thoughts till Friday.
TTFN

CD 15 and waiting for that :)

Well I (we) had an interesting weekend.  Brooke and I were out looking at our front yard Sat morning when I decided to check the mail.  Brooke said it's only something from BCBS and junk.  I decided to open it and found out it was approval for one IVF cycle.  I was in shock.  I had been denied twice already and figured I would just have to wait out my 4 cycles.  Well now I am waiting to do (what could be) my last IUI.  I thought I would have gotten my LH surge by now but NOPE!

It is kind of strange, I got so overwhelmed by the news I actually had a migraine.  I haven't had one in a number of months and not one this bad for a long time.  Brooke is so excited about the IVF, and I know I will be as well just haven't had the time for it to sink in.

I feel like I am holding my breath on this last IUI.  I do realize that I can handle IVF.  We already did an injectable cycle and I have had surgery for that matter all for trying to have a baby.  This is not something I am afraid of.  I actually think I am more afraid it won't work and then what?  Well I have been a bit stuck in my head with all the what if's. 

I know we will have a baby soon enough how we get it doesn't matter to me.  I just wanted to put it in words why I am freaked out...  It is me not in being in control and not knowing what will happen when.  I know get used to it right, I am such a control freak!

Thanks for reading.  It seems like it gets better after I type it all out.

Cycle Day 1 for IUI #9

Well for once I am happy to say I have started my period.  Fertility Friend was right on the money for when I would start.  This puts my insemination most likely into May.  I don't really care when anymore I am just happy to be back in an active cycle.

I will keep you posted on what comes next.

Looks like IUI

Well the dr tried again for IVF approval but didn't work. I am hoping for AF to show any day now but FF says not till next week. I am getting tired of doing nothing honestly. Just thought I'd give a little update even if it isn't much new news.

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Denied, but that's OK

Well my RE office called this morning to let me know I will be getting a letter from BCBS denying IVF at this point.  They also said that next Tuesday when the Dr. is back he plans to call the insurance company and try to change the decision.

I have to say I am not all that upset.  I was hoping for approval but in a way I am terrified of IVF.  If it comes to IVF or even if I do get approval next week I will do it.  BUT if not I will do my 4 IUI cycles with my new Dr. that I think I am really going to like.  Maybe with the surgery and D&C it will be enough to tip the scale in my direction.  How happy would I be if the next IUI did it!  I know I will be crushed if I get another BFN even though it shouldn't be a surprise.

I think I am stuck in my head right now...one minute I am thinking it could happen then next minute I have doubts.

All I know is I am not planning for failure in the long run so I just have to wait my turn.  I am trying to let go and enjoy the little things more.  I have been successful the last two months while we were not TTC.  Who knows if I can keep it up when the two week intervals of life start again.

Hope you all have a happy Easter.

The long wait...

Well had surgery last week.  After all was said and done I found out the Dr. also did a D&C.  Still not exactly sure why but I think not knowing it was to happen makes it bad for me.  Then finding out I can't just go into what would be my next cycle since I was due for my period last Monday, I have to wait till I have a normal period.  Hopefully this is only one more cycle lost but it could be more.  The other thing that gets me is the Dr. said a number of times he found nothing that should have stopped me from getting pregnant.  THEN WHY THE D&C?  I know I just need to breath.
On Sunday Brooke and I went to a diner for breakfast.  It was packed with families and kids.  The waitress was even walking around with a little baby showing it off while the mom got to eat.  It made me happy to see but then in an instant that was over Brooke overheard the girl at the next table tell her family she was expecting.  Everyone was so happy and I wanted to scream.  Brooke was like why is it everywhere.  Man I could cry typing this.
Anyway I am working on coping with this little bump and I truly realize it is not the end of the world.  What is another month really?  I know better.

Thanks for your ear............

what comes next

we met with our new doctor this morning and it went very well. I am scheduled for laproscopic surgery on wednesday. the new doctor said the cycle after the surgery is the perfect time to do the IUI. don't really have anything more to report just want to give an update. I've been trying to stay away from this baby making stuff for a little while.

I hope everyone is doing well, I'll keep you posted

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One month off

I found a new dr that will do the IUI for $100 not $325 like the awful place I had been using. Decided to take a month off to recoup. This well be a big savings and the people I have talked with so far are very nice.

I am in Boston now waiting to get questioned in an investigation about my company. This is getting old fast. My faith in our legal system is lessening by the minute.

On a better note I will be in a plane to florida tonight for a week. I dont even know what I packed last night. This trip is a little funny I am exited to go but with so much going on it still doesn't seem real. Once I am at the pool it will be bette better.

I hope everyone is well and I will give an update when I have something interesting to say...who knows how long that will take. :) ttfn

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Still not pregnant

Well blood test results in. BFN again. Im taking a break, well this week...

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12 DPO

Took my test this morning. Another BFN. I'm trying to keep positive but it's not really working. a little more waiting game until Saturday when I take my blood test. till then....

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2 DPO for the 8th time!!!

Well after 10 nights of FSH shots in the stomach and one trigger shot following those.  We had our 8th IUI on Sat.  I don't really know how I feel.  I know I am emotional.  I know I want this to work.  I know I am really worried it won't.  I plan to POAS on the 16th just before having to spend the day in Boston for work getting questioned for a litigation.  Then a blood test is scheduled for Sat the 18th.  I will be sure to post the outcome.

The crazy thing is with the progesterone I am now taking I can't try to read signs because it is very likely to be the meds.  EVEN WORSE I have read about people testing out the trigger shot.  So I worry about taking a test and getting a false positive..........  That would not be OK!

Brooke and I have been painting my old baby dresser.  We have picked out the new pulls we want we just have to order them.  I think by the end of this coming weekend we will be done, except the pulls.  Kinda exciting for me.  I started this project over 10 years ago.  It was stripped and waiting but then I put it in storage.  I was going to re purpose it for regular use.  Now with baby on the brain it only seems right to make it our babies dresser.  Makes me happy :)

Well I am looking forward to my trip to see my mom in a couple weeks.  I will know if I'm knocked up by then so it will be a good trip no matter what.  I really hope I hear good news from all the ladies TTC and I get some myself.  Funny I was checking BBC from the DR office on Sat.  just before I was called one of the ladies posted she just got her positive.  I hope that was a good sign for me.

Hope you all have a good week.  I will keep you posted.

Day 2

I promise I don't plan to write every day...my life is not that interesting. But had an ultrasound and blood work this morning and was told to start the fsh shots tonight. I was very nervous about this even if I acted tough. Luckily Brooke got home today and was able to do it for me. It went off without a hitch.

I have to thank my stepfather for teaching me that a distraction is the key. I got all worked up and was saying hold on and saying ouch to get ready to prepare myself not realizing that by the time I was ready Brooke had already given me the shot. Didnt feel it at all. Tomorrow may be another story but we know we can do it.

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Round 8 CD1

I feel like poop today.  After getting the BFN news on Sat. I stopped the progesterone.  My period did not start until last night/this morning.  Now I have all those squishy feelings at work.  I will make the call today to the RE to set up blood work and US for tomorrow and get ready for shots.  I am going to ask if I can take them earlier in the day and see if my coworker will do it.  I don't know how important the time of the shot is?  We will see.

We got some snow finally and my pup was in heaven.  She just does laps around the yard.  I don't think she has any idea why but she keeps going.

Hope you guys have a good week.

BFN

blood work came back negative on to round 8

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13DPO

Well I caved and did POAS this morning BFN again.  I have a blood test tomorrow and I am all set to get AF and start with injections.  I am determined to get pregos before I need IVF.  Honestly it is not getting easier.

A friend asked me the other day "did you think it would have happened by now?".  I know the statistics and such but honestly I thought I was going to be a one hit wonder and now on to try #8.  My poor mom had twins at 16 and my sister also had a child young and they both had more than 3 pregnancies.  I just want one or two!

OK enough pity party, moving on!

Happy Friday!

11DPO

Well I went to the RE yesterday and in the end all was fine but honestly I should have changed doctors when I had the chance.  (and I do know I still can)  He sat down at his desk and started talking and looking at my chart then he stopped and said why are you here?  His notes said I was going to try 3 more times and then come in again to start monitoring and more meds.  I had done the 3 tries I wonder why I was in?!  Anyway I told him I wanted to take it to the next level and he said IVF, I SAID NO.  Then I told him my plan and we went from that.

So I will go in for pregnancy test on Sat.  Based on that I will know if I am starting injectables.  The nurse showed me how to make the mixture and how to poke myself.  I am a little nervous especially because Brooke is away for a week so I am on my own for the first ones most likely.  I can do it!  I just have to keep telling myself this :)

On another note we had a busy weekend. We had a new water heater installed and some other random plumbing issues fixed.  We had a junk removal company come and clean out our garage and basement and the house looks good.  It is also really nice to take a bath in clear hot water.  It has been rusty for a while.

I also just read on baby center that we can claim sperm as a medical expense on taxes!  (it does have stipulations as one would expect) Who would have thought?  So any of you ladies buying sperm take advantage.

My last dilemma is if I wait till Sat for the results or do I buy two pregnancy tests today?  I have almost run out to get them more than once but I feel I should just wait....but then again???  What do you think?

2 DPO Again!

Well the insemination happened.  I really do get frustrated with this whole thing.  I called into the RE office to tell them I peaked Friday morning.  I called at 8:30 am.  Do you know they didn't call me back until 5:01pm.  I also called at 4:45pm to say I hadn't gotten a call back all day.  They just said you peaked so come in tomorrow at 9:30am.  THATS IT!  Not sure what I expected but maybe a question or two about my surge length or something but no.  Whatever it's done.

I kinda have an easygoing hope this time.  It is a new donor.  They are putting me on progesterone but other than that it's unmedicated.  If it works it will be a pleasant surprise.

I am back at work now and honestly board out of my mind.  Things are so slow right now.  I know things will pick up around the end of the month and with 2 litigations I will be a little busy but they are so hurry up and wait I don't know.  We will see.

I have my RE appointment on the 17th unless Brooke reschedules it (she will be out of town) for earlier.  They also said something about a pregnancy test in office but if it is not included in what I already paid I will settle for POAS.  The progesterone is $6.00 a day and that adds up!  Can't wait to be knocked up and have the rest covered by insurance. 

Well back to faking it at work.  Happy Monday!

Ups and downs

Well I think I am calm for now.  It has been a long week.  After the BFN on Christmas and a few days for that to sink in we decided to buy 5 vials from a new donor and exchange the last two to match.  I figure if I go for the insemination each cycle with the Dr. ($350 + sperm) for the next 6 months at least i will qualify for IVF in July.  Worst-case scenario.  I want to do maybe 2 medicated monitored cycles in that mix also just to see. 

Well that’s where it all goes down hill.  We ordered the sperm.  I called the clinic and they seemed put off that I would just want them to inseminate in a week.  It's not like the doctor didn't make that one of the choices when we went in for all our tests and such.  I don't know why this would be confusing.  They gave me such a run around and said I seemed to be rushing this cycle.  How could I rush a simple insemination?  I didn't need anything more than the insemination.  No monitoring no meds and I am paying out of pocket!  Well after a few calls and a run into my regular Dr. for more blood work the said I didn't have complete (they drew my blood)  I am all set.

Brooke just picked up the swimmers and dropped them off at the clinic.  Got a smiley face this morning now I am waiting to see what the clinic says...waiting, and waiting.  They really suck at calling back. Either way I want to relax and tell myself this one is just for the books, I mean I would be on the moon if it worked but the plan is set for our next try in Feb.

Brooke is going out to LA and Colorado with her mom to see her brothers in two weeks and I am excited to say I am planning on going to Florida at the end of Feb. for a week.  I can't wait to just sit in the warm sun and feel alive.

I guess that’s it for now.  Just need to get through this insem and look ahead to the happy future in 2012.