CD 15 and waiting for that :)

Well I (we) had an interesting weekend.  Brooke and I were out looking at our front yard Sat morning when I decided to check the mail.  Brooke said it's only something from BCBS and junk.  I decided to open it and found out it was approval for one IVF cycle.  I was in shock.  I had been denied twice already and figured I would just have to wait out my 4 cycles.  Well now I am waiting to do (what could be) my last IUI.  I thought I would have gotten my LH surge by now but NOPE!

It is kind of strange, I got so overwhelmed by the news I actually had a migraine.  I haven't had one in a number of months and not one this bad for a long time.  Brooke is so excited about the IVF, and I know I will be as well just haven't had the time for it to sink in.

I feel like I am holding my breath on this last IUI.  I do realize that I can handle IVF.  We already did an injectable cycle and I have had surgery for that matter all for trying to have a baby.  This is not something I am afraid of.  I actually think I am more afraid it won't work and then what?  Well I have been a bit stuck in my head with all the what if's. 

I know we will have a baby soon enough how we get it doesn't matter to me.  I just wanted to put it in words why I am freaked out...  It is me not in being in control and not knowing what will happen when.  I know get used to it right, I am such a control freak!

Thanks for reading.  It seems like it gets better after I type it all out.

Cycle Day 1 for IUI #9

Well for once I am happy to say I have started my period.  Fertility Friend was right on the money for when I would start.  This puts my insemination most likely into May.  I don't really care when anymore I am just happy to be back in an active cycle.

I will keep you posted on what comes next.

Looks like IUI

Well the dr tried again for IVF approval but didn't work. I am hoping for AF to show any day now but FF says not till next week. I am getting tired of doing nothing honestly. Just thought I'd give a little update even if it isn't much new news.

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Denied, but that's OK

Well my RE office called this morning to let me know I will be getting a letter from BCBS denying IVF at this point.  They also said that next Tuesday when the Dr. is back he plans to call the insurance company and try to change the decision.

I have to say I am not all that upset.  I was hoping for approval but in a way I am terrified of IVF.  If it comes to IVF or even if I do get approval next week I will do it.  BUT if not I will do my 4 IUI cycles with my new Dr. that I think I am really going to like.  Maybe with the surgery and D&C it will be enough to tip the scale in my direction.  How happy would I be if the next IUI did it!  I know I will be crushed if I get another BFN even though it shouldn't be a surprise.

I think I am stuck in my head right now...one minute I am thinking it could happen then next minute I have doubts.

All I know is I am not planning for failure in the long run so I just have to wait my turn.  I am trying to let go and enjoy the little things more.  I have been successful the last two months while we were not TTC.  Who knows if I can keep it up when the two week intervals of life start again.

Hope you all have a happy Easter.