Switching donor & buying more sperm

So after purchasing ten vials in hopes of 2 or more babies, we are down to two vials and no babies.  This is our dilemma…

I don't know if we should we switch the last two vials for another donor (our guy has been sold out forever) and then purchase another 5 of that new guy?  I just confirmed with my insurance that if I were to do 6 Dr. assisted cycles by age 35 (this May) my insurance would cover IVF.  We have already done 6 cycles at home that don’t count.  If we purchase 5 more then we will have enough for 6 more tries and one more for IVF.  God willing it will happen sooner and we keep the other swimmers for baby #2. 

Also we are stumped on the new donor selection.  The first time we went all out paid for all info and such.  We had a long list of requirements that by the time we purchased most were off the list.  Now I hate to admit, money is a real issue.  We have wanted a known donor but that cost $100 more each vial.  Is it wrong that I am having these thoughts?  We are looking at 3 basic traits now Caucasian, blue/green eyes and over 5’7’.  Honestly this is just to make the baby look like it is part of both of us as much as we can tell from a computer screen.  We would be happy with a polka dotted baby at this moment as long as he/she were healthy and happy.  I am starting to feel like I may be over thinking the whole thing or on the flip side not thinking enough this time around.  What do you think?

NO GO AGAIN

Well we are not pregnant.  We have an appointment with a new clinic and I hope this will tip the odds in our favor.  We are sitting out a month to figure out a few things.  I am almost 35 and that’s when insurance will kick in and help after 6 tries.  Now we need to know if 6 tries leading up to 35 count or if the 6 have to be after I am 35.  The worst is the 6 we just did mean nothing to insurance because we did it ourselves at home.  I can't say I would have changed it.  I still wish we could make it happen ourselves at home.  But it is time to move on!

I am looking forward to this New Year.  I am going to do my best to drop some lbs. but I have said that forever.  I hope to get some things around the house done and have some fun for a month then get back to work on baby making.

I truly appreciate all of you who stop in and read this it makes things feel more real to me.  Family is great but sometimes they are to close.  Having someone who only knows a few of my thoughts and still hopes for good things for me is a feeling I didn't know I would cherish so much, so thank you!

Up and Down Yes then No

I wish I could explain what I am feeling.  I feel hopeful but a second later I tell myself to wake up and face reality.  If you could only imagine every time you go to the bathroom, you find yourself begging to (god, the world, fate, whoever) not see blood!  I actually close my eyes and say the words please.  I am glad I always make sure I am alone. I'm a little pee shy but imagine if someone else heard me?  They would think I am nuts.  They would probably be right!

I did POAS this morning and got BFN.  I know it is early but I swear I keep feeling things.  A couple days ago I felt cramping for an hour or so.  I took this as a good sign something was happening and it was way to early for AF.  I have had a tinge now and then since but now I worry it is AF.  The same feeling different day and I freak.  Meanwhile if I wasn't TTC I don't think I would even notice any of this.

Till tomorrow....... Thanks so much for the kind words and for keeping us in your thoughts.  It means the world.

Oh! On another note.  Brooke sent me a text today that made me laugh so I wanted to share.  I know she won't mind.

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is my wife and I to be happy and healthy with a healthy bun in the oven. I would like to awake on the 25th and see tears of joy and 

the biggest smile on my Wife's face holding a big fat positive on a pee stick. And in 9 months on our 5th anniversary I want to be holding our newest addition to our family. 

I know 5 years is suppose to be the gift of wood but donor 12XXX used "wood" trying to create our bundle of joy.

Thanks Santa,

Love Brooke

9DPO

Well I checked last night and I only have 3 cheep pregnancy tests and one FRER.  I am at 9dpo today and 10dpiui.  I had some cramping the other day but other than that I feel nothing but hope!  I wanted so badly to POAS this morning and it was soooo hard not to.  I am going to POAS Thursday no matter what.  I don't think I can handle waiting any longer and that will give me enough tests to get to my expected period.  FF says AF should be here on Christmas...nice right.  But that would be a long cycle for me.  I think that's why I want to test sooner :)

I keep checking in on folks on BBC and Blogs and I want you to know I am rooting for all of us still waiting.  The TWW is awful.  Now it is getting cold and gray outside which doesn't help.  Maybe I will take my Mom up on the visit to FL in Feb!  A tan and warm to the bone is nice mid winter and hopefully I won't have that luxury next year because I will be busy with a bundle if joy!

I'll be in touch soon and I hope with great news.

In the TWW (2DPO)

Well we have completed our 5th nope make that 6th insemination with two vials again.  We did it Sat morning and Sat evening about 12 hrs apart.  I had some cramping a couple times during the day and once that I noticed in the middle of the night.  I am hoping that it was ovulation pains and we had good timing but we won't know for two weeks.

I thought work would occupy me this week but my boss just said he would rather I not help with the production work since I am HR.  We are so dead that doing this work for a change to help out was something I was looking forwards to.  BUT I guess I have more time to read blogs and my book.  I would so rather be busy than get paid to sit and wait for the phone to ring.

I think this Christmas is going to be interesting.  We have agreed to do no gifts.  They are so hard to purchase and I even hate getting them.  The only gift I want is a BFP and it would be the best Christmas ever.  I have never been much for Christmas but I do like the tree and food!  I always like food!  Shame on me :)

Well I should get back to acting like I am working as usual :)  Hope everyone is well.

CD10

Ok so I'm getting back to excited for trying again.  (Don't even want consider another BFN right now.)  We will be doing two IUI at home again but I hope to futz with the timing a little.  I feel more relaxed about things.  Maybe it's because I know work will be busy, who knows?

Brooke and I went to see my sister and her kids and her kids kid!  Yeah 19 with a 3mo and Yes I am Jealous!  But other than that is was a nice time and they are so kind to let Brooke and me hold the little one the whole time.  Mathew is so good and sweet he didn't cry much at all.  Then he spit up on Brooke, I thought she might puke on him but she just passed him to me and ran.  Just wait till we have one :)

We put our tree up and it looks real nice.  Makes me happy just looking at it.  I hope we all have a wonderful Holiday with lots to be thankful for.

I will give an update in about a week once the deed is done.  :)  Baby dust!